Word Thief.

Life is strange. Okay, I know I don't get any awards for saying that, cause let's face it, we all know life is strange, but it really feels it right now. Today has been a day of waking up late and feeling funny (odd funny, not ha ha funny). I've just been thinking back to the not so long ago past and re-evaluating where I stand (some people would call this reminiscing but I think otherwise. It's self evaluation, and I think it's good for you - or me at least).

I've come to realise that I'm losing friends all over again, but this time I'm beyond giving a shit. The loss of Mr Third Party was always going to affect a really close knit friendship group, and I lost a lot of friends through that (it feels like yesterday, but it was two years ago, mad or what?). I'm still debating whether they could ever have been classed as friends. Are they meant to leave so suddenly after something goes wrong? But I'm straying from the point. I lost about 20 people I could talk to and hang out with in the space of 6 months. That sucked.

Now, I'm still losing people. And this time I like to think it's not all my fault. There is only so much you can try to be kind and loving to a person for them to continually humiliate and embarrass and belittle you. And now that I haven't spoken to them in a fair while, I don't miss them. I feel awful for admitting it, but I do not miss them. I am happier without them. I don't have the dread that the next time I see them it will be bloody awful and I'm just waiting to be the butt of some joke or insult they can say just to look great in front of everyone. There's only so much crap you can take from a person, no matter how much you love them and how long you've known them and how often they've been there for you. Cause they always find a way to turn it around for a new joke.

Fuck this shit. I am my own person. I can stay away from them. I can take time off.

I think I need to learn to fall in love with life again. I'm finding it so hard.